Who's to blame?

February - March 2010 entry

Siguro nga hindi ko dapat isisi lahat ng nangyari sa mommy ko. Siguro dapat yung nanay-nanayan niya ang sisihin naming lahat! Yung lola ko ngayon, step-mom lang yun ni mommy (So, I’ll label her my step-lola). Yung tunay na lola ko, my lola Julieta came from a prominent family in Bulacan. Tapos, as I was told, my lolo was the driver of my lola’s family. Ayun, nagka-inlaban sila tapos one thing led to another, hanggang sa ipinasok ng great grandfather ko ang lolo ko sa Meralco noon. Then, my lolo and lola had four children, all of them were girls. My mom was the second child. My lola Julieta died after giving birth to my aunt which was their fourth child. After that, my lolo became a spinster. He then met a canteen lady at school, and they eventually got married. Her name is Viola. She became the step-mom of my mother.

My mom never told me anything about how she was raised, or how they were talked to as a child. Not until I was in my early twenties that I found out that my step-lola made my mom’s childhood and her sisters’ life, a living hell. They became my step-lola’s slaves. They cleaned the house, made food, etc. In short, katulong. Siguro kaya ganoon na lang din ang pag-alaga ni mommy sa mga katulong kasi baka nakikita niya yung sarili niya noon sa mga helpers.

Malupit na step-mom si lola Viola. Yung mga kuya ko sabi nga nila, evil step-mom daw talaga si lola Viola noon. May one time pa daw, pinilit lumayas ng mga mommy namin nung nasa gradeschool pa sila. Kaya lang parang nahuli ata sila tapos pinabalik sila sa bahay at pinagpapalo.

In short, hindi naranasan ng nanay ko ang isang tunay na pagmamahal ng isang ina. Kaya ngayon, ako naman ang nagbabayad. Pati mga pinsan ko ganoon din. Sinasabihan kami ng mga malulupit na salita kapag ngagalit ang mga nanay namin sa amin. Ako, binato ako ng mineral bottle water ni mommy noon. Tapos, binabagsakan ng telepono kapag nag-aaway kami sa phone at minsan it will end up in name calling.

Tama!

Si Viola nga ang dapat sisihin! Kung hindi ganoon ang pagtrato niya sa nanay at mga tita ko, hindi din siguro ganoon ang pagtrato ng mga nanay naming sa amin.

For the longest time, ang tagal tagal ko inisip kung ano ba ang mga pagkakamali ko at bakit ganoon na lang ako tratuhin ni mommy. Yun pala, hindi niya naranasan kung papaano mag-aruga ang isang ina sa anak. Kasi nga, dahil sa pagmamaltrato sa kanila ng step-lola namin.

Of course, in any situation that life might put us through, in the end, we still have a choice. And I think, that that was my mistake. I had a choice, but I chose to live a miserable and negative life. A life full of sadness, regret and pessimistic outlook.

To everyone or anyone reading this, let it always be a lesson to us that life, whether your situation favours you or not, you still have a choice and it is always up to you, how you will live your life to the fullest.