A Promising Pamana (Part 1)

A priest once mentioned in his sermon that education is not the very promising pamana parents can leave their children. In contrast with the usual Filipino family philosophy, I could say that several people listening to the sermon were alarmed. From the very time being, we were taught that education is the primary key if we want to achieve success in life. Sadly, some use it as a tool to get ahead of others and eventually gaining just their own personal interest.

Going back to the priest’s sermon, he then continued with his example based on his experience with a family of professionals. The father was a judge, two of the sons are lawyers, one is an engineer, and one is a doctor. The father got ill and eventually passed away, and the time came to leave to his sons his wealth and possessions. Unhappy with the outcome of their father’s will, the four brothers fought over their inheritance and even brought it up to the courts.

As the priest shares this story to us, I was eagerly waiting, what could it be the most promising pamana parents can leave their children? Just then, the priest tells us that the most important thing parents can pass on to their children is not just a brilliant mind, but a kind heart as well. Not education, according to the priest, but the morally good values that we need in order to live a loving and simple life.

At first I thought, hindi ba tinuturo sa school yun? At hindi ba tinuturo din yun ng mga magulang natin sa atin? So what’s so special about a priest discussing moral values in life? Isn’t that their job? Their “calling”?

Now that I am a parent myself, I’ve realized the importance of what the priest was saying in his sermon back then.

As an only child, I know how it was to be lonely and confused at times. When my parents were arguing, no one was able to explain to me what was going on, or how to react on that certain situation, or what should I do and what should be my role in that kind of scenario. At the end, I was apathetic and depressed.

I was brought up to be a silent observer and later on, when all the arguing was over, it seemed that we let the issues die too without even discussing or talking about it. When my parents were still together, it seemed that they didn’t really know what they were doing. My dad is the typical father: always passive about things, because it seemed that he hated the idea of confrontation and he hated arguing with my mom. My mom is also the typical type: pakialamera, usisera, bungangera. Ha ha! Okay, that was mean, but it’s the ugly truth. During my childhood, I have never heard my parents praise me or each other for that matter. Not that I want praising, but at times, it wouldn’t hurt to hear some words of encouragement or appreciation once in a while. Words of endearment were not mentioned at home. Everything was all criticisms and negative comments, negative remarks, irrational philosophies, and a lot of discouragement. Just imagine what was left of my self-esteem back then. No wonder I couldn’t walk straight with my head held up high. How I wish Dr. Spock had already written his book back then, or if he did, how I wish my parents had grabbed a copy.